2 Fast 2 Furious (3.2 of 5)
John Singleton gets the helm to the sequel of Rob Cohen-s visually stunning-Fast and the Furious-. I have never figured out John Singleton-s style-or the reason for hype he has received.-Boyz on the Hood- was a great movie under the circumstances and put Cuba Gooding on the map, but his following films left much to be desired. Each film I saw-could have been better:-Poetic Justice- – No acting, depressing and with Tupac on screen-irritating.-Higher Learning– Too preachy and made me dislike black people (was that what they were going for?)-Rosewood– a much better overall effort (I think his best), sure put women in a bad light and kind of left everything unresolved, just one more blacks getting screwed over history lesson.-Shaft- – His biggest budget but none of it seemed to be on the screen, Sam tried to save but he seemed hog-tied in the film. This film needed to be a little more like-Die Hard III- and less like the original movie there were remaking. The first-Shaft- film was more fun and interesting. Baby Boy- Never saw and had no interest in seeing. OK-so-to me a sequel made by a different crew must bring something new to the table, this film brought nothing. A few of the ground breaking camera moves from the first film were recycled but that was about it. In the Theater: No cheering, no laughing-nothing-ohhhhhh! Pretty colors though. And the hot Asian chick on the poster looked about 12 years old in the film and gave me a creepy vibe whenever she talked. Also, not one WRX in the film-what is that all about?

The Hulk (3 of 5)
In a new twist the Avi Arad/Stan Lee team at MARVEL decided to hire a Drama director Ang Lee for this yarn. The results are a mixed: While much more emotionally deeper than most comic book movies the action suffers in a 90% CGI environment. There are no laughs, no applause, no nothing really. The saving graces to the film are the editing and acting. The-Comic Book / 24- type scene changes were fun and made a drab pace seem more interesting. The acting was superb. The ending was anticlimactic, the effects we good-but you could tell something was a bit off. Very nice to see the Super Cobra finally make it to a film. Everything just kind of fell a bit flat-Hulk 2 should be better.

Lets start by saying I liked the first one. Well-photographed MTV / USA style with lots of Hong Kong type fights. Simple, stupid and fun.
So now comes the sequel: Bigger Faster and Uncut-snicker. McG took what he had and went bigger, More wire work, less clothes, dumber acting, bigger stunts-.results: Coooool and stupid as expected. My only real problem with the film is the realm of impossibility that is achieved in the final sequence. Meaning: while the entire movie had scenes that were impossible, mathematically they COULD work. The final chase between Cameron and Demi was IMPOSSIBLE to do-and pissed me off just like the opening sequence of GOLDENEYE when the final few seconds of the stunt was done as a special effect-dammit!-special effects in a bond stunt-what the hell!!.
Anyways-the film was on par with the CA1 on the enjoyment scale-albeit a little more pornographic in a Austin Powers kind of way. I would put either one in my DVD player just to watch the pretty bodies and colors.

Bad Boys II : 7-18- Great rookie effort by all involved on the first one. This one will be bigger and better. It-s the Travis lock of the month.
Lara Croft – Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life: 7-25 First one a bit stupid, but the foundation was soild, the visually great Jan DeBont takes a turn and it looks very good so far.
SWAT : 8-8 Very stylish and a great shoot-um-up premise
Freddy Vs. Jason: 8-15 test audiences love it, and that means something in these films.
Jeepers Creepers II: 8-29 1st one was a truly wonderful horror flick, looks like more of the same.
Once Upon a time in Mexico: 9-12 Part three of the El Mariachi/Deserado series from Robert Rodriguez. He has not let me down yet.
Underworld 9-19 Something a little different from blade, and the effects look clean.

And a little further down the road:
Kill Bill: 10-10 Teaser just makes me want more, Video store junkie making a Kung Fu flick-what can go wrong!
Return of the King: 12-17 Finally get to close the book on a history making series.
Matrix Revolutions: 11-5 ..Ditto!

Once I heard this was in the making-WITHOUT Cameron-I cringed. But my faith in Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (opps-was I supposed to say that) was always solid, so I dropped my doubts and went in clean. Guess what-it was pretty good. A step down from the-Example of PERFECT Filmmaking- that was T2. But the story had merit and the characters grew and were fun to watch. I have gotten into discussions on whether the TX was an upgrade or downgrade of the T1000, and that alone told me there was something to this film. The camerawork so-so, but 10 years ago this would have been great. But with T2 and the Matrix films in the mix, visually it just seemed-well-so so. Arnold walked through this (but that-s OK) Loken didn-t bring much but boobs (that-s really OK) but Stahl and Danes brought quite a bit to the table. They grew the most and using their point of view to the movie kept it grounded. The-mine is bigger than yours- stuff was fun: bigger trucks,bigger helicopters,bigger everything. Hydrogen fuel cell destruction was kind of cool too; even paying homage to the way the first T101 bought it. And while I liked the ending-hint–It is inevitable- I wanted 10 or 20 more minutes to take it farther. So if a sequel comes cool-if not, this was by far the weakest of the three.

Ghosts of the Abyss (4 of 5) IMAX 3-D
While most IMAX films are rides more than journeys, this film has an underlying soul that explains quite a bit more than the Titanic films could. 60% percent of it is still a-Ride- taking us to the bottom of the ocean to see the sunken behemoth in 3-D. showing us new gadgets and neat graphics and spilt screen views of where we are. Cameron isn-t even in the film all that much, he lets friend and actor-Fuck You Asshole- Bill Paxton (that-s right he said it first) be his voice and eyes. As we see different things, little history lessons pop up and new heroes are created. A good, extremely well filmed journey through time. Then near the end something unexpected happens, one of the ROV units losses battery power and get stuck in the wreckage. After some meetings they try the gutsy move of using the other ROV to try and snag it. And it gets stuck too. After an hour of frustration Cameron takes the controls and gives it one last try-they are freed-yea!!!. On they way back up elated with their triumph they log the experience 6:30PM September 11,2001. When they hit the surface they are told the news, and it hits like a ton of bricks, and the moviegoers feel it too. Wonder and emotion in a 1 hour film-brilliant.

Bruce Almighty (3.8 of 5)
It-s a simple well proven formula: get a nice camera, point it at Carry and start laughing. This one has a little more heart due to the supporting cast. Freeman is wonderful and Aniston hits all of her marks. The Daily Shows- Steve Carell is really delightful and steals a few scenes as the butt of a few jokes. The finger trumpet and-you can-t be an asshole- scenes were priceless. But the non PG-13-Back to you, fuckers!- took the cake. By the end Scoody Doo syndrome sets in and a wonderful happy film for the whole family (except for the asshole and fuckers part) comes out. Lots of laughing, a few well placed-you didn-t see-THE MAJESTIC- so I-m going to make you cry- moments. This is a fun film to watch along the lines of-LIAR LIAR-.

38,118 Miles and 26,280 Hours later I am closing the book on the greatest car I have ever owned (leased).-Big Blue- gets put out to stud today, and while it has seen a Rams Superbowl win and return, A terrorist first strike, two retaliation ass whoopings, the birth of American Idol, and the slide of democratic party (they had it coming), 4 Dodger games, 3 Angels games, 6 LA Xtreme games, 2 Rams games, through it all it still remained a zero maintaince vehicle. It never whined, even with the occasional bad detail job and only being garaged 6 of its 1095 days. While finances keep me from getting another like it right now, I know that Daimler /Chrysler moves to the front of the pack of US carmakers. And I will look them up again. Here are some pics of the final day-

And just in case you wanted to know how I am getting around for the next few months…..

1989 Honda PC800 – Pacific Coast. (#3 on my all-time-here-to-there- vehicles)

Full List:
1. 1972-78 GMC Motor home (DeLorean designed…some still at $50,000)
2. General Hummer Hum-Vee (In a word: Unstoppable)
3. Honda PC800 (Adult Scooter)
4. Toyota Previa AWD-SC (Best designed minivan ever)
5. Sea-Doo Explorer Rib Boat (Most useful carefree boat of them all)

One day I will have them all……..

The Ballad of-Kobe Dick-
Howdy folks, just wanted to chime in on the Kobe situation. Don-t like basketball: Highest crime/player ration in sports, to much trash talking, so just the fact he is in that sport is a strike against him. (Scale tips to accuser) There is also an incident that happened at Houston-s in Manhattan Beach that bothered me: Kobe came in bought food for 8 people, left without paying. The when restaurant confronted Lakers he came back and paid-minus tip. (Scale tips farther toward accuser) Then I saw this: PICTURE
Scale balanced again. Why you asked, It-s a vibe I get, she looks like a little Nicole Brown Simpson to me. In the words of Chris Rock- I don-t support OJ killing her-but I understand- . Nicole’s actions during and after the divorce would frustrate even Jesus Christ. In this girl I see the same ‘popular high school cheerleader’ that found out how hard it was to make it in the real world. She wants the Rodeo Dr lifestyle without working for it. And when the sugar daddy of her life dumped her, she saw it slipping away. Failed relationship, failed career, failed suicide attempt-the girl is a failure. With no skills and no chance of reaching her goal. I knew people like this-.and I see it in her. Not to mention Kobe seems like a smart guy, an Adulterous Moron, but not a guy that would risk a billion dollar career on a white girl, even if it was served up on a platter….snicker.
So in my undeniably bias opinion-It could go either way. But it takes a lot of balls to pursue something like this-and she is genetically lacking. So I think she may drop the charges once the load-o-shit starts hitting her.

SeaBiscuit (4.7 of 5)
About as-near perfect- of all the films this year! History channel with a budget! If you don-t cheer for everyone in this film something is wrong with you! That being said: still only places behind 85-s-Phar Lap- but stays ahead of Casey-s-Shadow- show position as the best horse movie ever. A rich and methodical telling of the West Coast phenom that beat the Triple Crown winning goliath-War Admiral- in a match race during the depression. Where the film really shines is in the relationships that are created along the way. Seabiscuit is the catalyst for a true rag tag group of individuals to be national heroes. The races are well filmed but nothing too new until the final race, which has some truly amazing slow motion shots including the money shot of Seabiscuit-s front hoofs almost hitting you in the face down the home stretch. The real charm to the races for me came with the conversations between Red Pollard and George Wolff during the race. The planning, the plotting, the-have a nice ride- stuff gave me goose bumps and made the races an emotional roller coaster instead of just an tense adrenalin rush. My grandfather raised racehorses and I can remember countless trips to Agua Caliente in the late 70-s to see-Castle Run- and Second Place- dash for the line. And seeing Seabiscuit get his start there and staying in the stables south of the field brought back all the trips, and walks, and brushings from my youth. Bridges had a bit of-Tucker- in the presentation but everyone else brought some truly inspired performances to the table. A Tobey supporting actor nod may come his way. This movie is a keeper and not just because it is a great history lesson but it also to shows how to make a emotionally perfect film with out shoving down your throat. Note to my mom: bring a whole box-.you-ll be crying like clockwork on this one.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider- The Cradle of life. (2.5 of 5)
She-Bond II mixes one of the best cinematographers (but not directors): Jan De Bont, Best Body/Acting ability ratio for brunettes: Angelina Jolie, and the most locales since Cubby still pulled the strings at Pinewood studios. Add them all together and you get a film better than TR1 but worse than just about anything else. With the three Items listed above you should be able to hit this one out of the park. But the polish just wasn-t there. You don-t care about any characters, the special effects where in no way great (done better in most films 10 years ago) and it took almost an hour just to get interesting. All nipples aside, Angelina did great (and her makeup artist was top notch too) but she seemed to be begging to want a better movie. Probably the same exact thing said after Tomb Raider 1 rolled its credits.-Gun Fight in the lab- and-Beasties at the Cradle- were high points but all were item done better in other films. There is potential in the franchise but if you can-t hit the mark with talent like this or by episode 2, you are in for a world of perpetual mediocrity.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party. She didn’t have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.

He asked, “How is your friend Mary.” She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why she often didn’t show up for classes because she was hung over.

Dad then asked his daughter why she didn’t go to the Dean’s office and ask why she couldn’t take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing”.

The father slowly smiled and said, “Now you understand, Welcome to the Republican Party”.

The Italian Job (3.2 of 5)
Really wanted to see this since last year when they were racing these BMW mini-s in the drainage ditch by my apartment. Deb and I originally thought it might be a commercial for the new mini, since we only saw one on the road up to that point. Once I found out it was for this movie, I was jazzed about seeing it. It was a fun but average chase flick. It still amazes me that seems so nice and pretty (Theron) can be such a horrible prima donna in real life. But anyways the highlight to this film is the running joke about Napster. The computer hacker of the film claims he invented it and it was stolen by his roommate-. what for it-Shawn Fanning-who makes a great cameo. Every time it comes up..i couldn't help but laugh more. Most of the other players were wasted, but that-s nothing new to the Transporters- Jason Statham . Camera work was good and the pacing was right on-but I was looking for something a little more thrilling-but that-s just me, I want the perfect 100 million film everytime.. Of course the fact that anti-war moron Ed Norton was in it, didn't make it any more better.

FARMER: “I wanna get me one of those dayvorces.”
LAYWER: “Do you have any grounds?”
FARMER: “Yes, I got 40 acres.”
LAYWER: “No, you don’t understand, do you have a suit?”
FARMER: “Yes I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.”
LAYWER: “No, no, I mean do you have a case?”
FARMER: “No, I ain’t got no case, but I got a John Deere.”
LAYWER: “No, I mean do you have a grudge?”
FARMER: “Yes, I got a grudge, thats where I parks the John Deere.”
LAYWER: “Does your wife beat you up or something?”
FARMER: “No, we both get up at 4:30.”
LAYWER: “Is your wife a nagger?”
FARMER: “No, she’s a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that’s why I wants one of those dayvorces.”

Thanks Greg for this lil nugget.

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament…

Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son…

Dear Dad,
For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son…

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances
Love, Bubba