Hillary 2016 Nomination Acceptance Speech…now with 100% more snark

Thank you! Thank you for that amazing welcome.
Aren’t we optimistic?
And Chelsea, thank you. I’m so proud to be your mother and so proud of the woman you’ve become. Thanks for bringing Marc into our family, and Charlotte and Aidan into the world.
Nice
And Bill, that conversation we started in the law library 45 years ago is still going strong.
Oh…the one where he wanted to do you and you said no…that explains a lot.
It’s lasted through good times that filled us with joy, and hard times that tested us.
Awesome pun…I got it … +5 brownie points
And I’ve even gotten a few words in along the way.
On Tuesday night, I was so happy to see that my Explainer-in-Chief is still on the job.
Yea… Instead of talking about policy and economics, about which he has some credibility, he instead chose to speak of love, commitment, and marriage, about which he has none
I’m also grateful to the rest of my family and the friends of a lifetime.
To all of you whose hard work brought us here tonight…
Sheiks and Thugs and Silicon Valley CEOs…..and George Clooney
And to those of you who joined our campaign this week.
*crickets
And what a remarkable week it’s been. We heard the man from Hope, Bill Clinton.
Trying to humanize an robot
And the man of Hope, Barack Obama.
Laying down some smooth jazz and sayin everything is cool
America is stronger because of President Obama’s leadership, and I’m better because of his friendship.
No on one…yes on two (Trust from a public liar – good luck there chief)
We heard from our terrific vice president, the one-and-only Joe Biden, who spoke from his big heart about our party’s commitment to working people.
Yep
First Lady Michelle Obama reminded us that our children are watching, and the president we elect is going to be their president, too.
What about kids who want to be self reliant and rich?
And for those of you out there who are just getting to know Tim Kaine – you’re soon going to understand why the people of Virginia keep promoting him: from city council and mayor, to Governor, and now Senator.
He is wondering that too…I assure you.
He’ll make the whole country proud as our Vice President. And… I want to thank Bernie Sanders.
Oh Boy
Bernie, your campaign inspired millions of Americans, particularly the young people who threw their hearts and souls into our primary. You’ve put economic and social justice issues front and center, where they belong. And to all of your supporters here and around the country: I want you to know, I’ve heard you. Your cause is our cause. Our country needs your ideas, energy, and passion.
Ha Ha HA HA HA!!!…suckers!!!
That’s the only way we can turn our progressive platform into real change for America.
We wrote it together – now let’s go out there and make it happen together.
Sorry shepard…the email said you like wolves….and you think us sheep are gonna hang around?
My friends, we’ve come to Philadelphia Bill Cosby…Philly’s favorite son…and patron saint of women’s issues.
the birthplace of our nation – because what happened in this city 240 years ago still has something to teach us today. We all know the story.
Yea…but tell us your version
But we usually focus on how it turned out – and not enough on how close that story came to never being written at all.
Ah…the losers version…here is a tip…Winners write the history books…unless your Howard Zinn.
When representatives from 13 unruly colonies met just down the road from here, some wanted to stick with the King. Some wanted to stick it to the king, and go their own way. The revolution hung in the balance. Then somehow they began listening to each other … compromising … finding common purpose.
And by the time they left Philadelphia, they had begun to see themselves as one nation.
That’s what made it possible to stand up to a King. That took courage. They had courage.
Our Founders embraced the enduring truth that we are stronger together.
Yea OK…Gay context aside…close enough.
America is once again at a moment of reckoning.
Like Every Election Season
Powerful forces are threatening to pull us apart. Bonds of trust and respect are fraying.
With all the lying you’re not used to that by now?
And just as with our founders, there are no guarantees. It truly is up to us. We have to decide whether we all will work together so we all can rise together. Our country’s motto is e pluribus unum: out of many, we are one. Will we stay true to that motto?
Unless you are part of the right wing conspiracy
Well, we heard Donald Trump’s answer last week at his convention.
He wants to divide us – from the rest of the world, and from each other.
You mean the illegal aliens and the unvetted Muslim refugees that are raping their way through Europe? Yea…he is a separatist
He’s betting that the perils of today’s world will blind us to its unlimited promise.
He’s taken the Republican Party a long way…from “Morning in America” to “Midnight in America.”
Morning…midnight…still the same day of the most prosperous era in our nation…the Big 80s
He wants us to fear the future and fear each other.
If the others are bad guys…yea (hopefully we will get a story about bullies we can reference)
Well, a great Democratic President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, came up with the perfect rebuke to Trump more than eighty years ago, during a much more perilous time.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Oh..that time that world war paralyzed the nation…hope that’s not coming again
Now we are clear-eyed about what our country is up against. But we are not afraid.
Radical Islamic Terrorists…the Caliphate?…Refrigerators?….its the last one isn’t it?
We will rise to the challenge, just as we always have. We will not build a wall.
Yea…why have something proven that can’t be changed on a whim through political bickering.
Instead, we will build an economy where everyone who wants a good paying job can get one.
Why not both? Are they mutually exclusive?
And we’ll build a path to citizenship for millions of immigrants who are already contributing to our economy!
Illegaly
We will not ban a religion.
Never would…unless it is incompatible with liberty and freedom..(ok..so maybe we might)
We will work with all Americans and our allies to fight terrorism.
So now you want to do that?…what kept ya?
There’s a lot of work to do. Too many people haven’t had a pay raise since the crash.
Do you know what a P & L sheet is?…until you do…you are unqualified to demand anything of a free market.
There’s too much inequality.
Then stop catering to “Groups” to tip the scales…constitution says all equal…stick to it.
Too little social mobility. Too much paralysis in Washington.
Too many threats at home and abroad.
Wait…and thats not your fault? (Remember your ditch comment in 2008…yep…came home to roost)
But just look at the strengths we bring to meet these challenges.
We have the most dynamic and diverse people in the world.
Yes
We have the most tolerant and generous young people we’ve ever had.
…don’t forget to call the little snowflakes entitled.
We have the most powerful military.
The most innovative entrepreneurs.
Yep…you know, I think one of those is running against you…go figure
The most enduring values.Freedom and equality, justice and opportunity.
So much so…you keep inventing new ones.
We should be so proud that these words are associated with us. That when people hear them – they hear… America.
So don’t let anyone tell you that our country is weak. We’re not.
Ask a surviving WW2 soldier…he would say different.
Don’t let anyone tell you we don’t have what it takes. We do.
And most of all, don’t believe anyone who says: “I alone can fix it.”
Those were actually Donald Trump’s words in Cleveland.
I think you missed the point of that story….You and he are left…He (I) is the only one that can fix it…you are incapable
And they should set off alarm bells for all of us. Really?
Yep
I alone can fix it?
Of you two…Yep
Isn’t he forgetting?
Troops on the front lines. Not running
Police officers and fire fighters who run toward danger. Not running
Doctors and nurses who care for us. Not running
Teachers who change lives. Not running
Entrepreneurs who see possibilities in every problem. Yea..Trump
Mothers who lost children to violence and are building a movement to keep other kids safe. Not running…but wow..really specific on that one
He’s forgetting every last one of us. Nope…just you
Americans don’t say: “I alone can fix it.”
My cable man did
We say: “We’ll fix it together.”
Not bonded for that…sorry
Remember: Our Founders fought a revolution and wrote a Constitution so America would never be a nation where one person had all the power.
Two hundred and forty years later, we still put our faith in each other.
More like the constitution….but continue
Look at what happened in Dallas after the assassinations of five brave police officers. Chief David Brown asked the community to support his force, maybe even join them. And you know how the community responded? Nearly 500 people applied in just 12 days. That’s how Americans answer when the call for help goes out.
Did you forget your party encouraged the murders? ….Is that what you mean by creating jobs?…kinda hardcore
20 years ago I wrote a book called “It Takes a Village.” A lot of people looked at the title and asked, what the heck do you mean by that?
Oh , I knew…and your full of shit…walk through Kenya…you will see the same undeveloped villages that have been there for 500 years. You need a hero to put in drainage…and sanitation…and a school….etc
This is what I mean. None of us can raise a family, build a business, heal a community or lift a country totally alone.
Body at rest….or something
America needs every one of us to lend our energy, our talents, our ambition to making our nation better and stronger.
You here that welfare people…Hillary says get a job!
I believe that with all my heart.
My cold black heart….snicker (it was a softball…had to hit it)
That’s why “Stronger Together” is not just a lesson from our history. It’s not just a slogan for our campaign. It’s a guiding principle for the country we’ve always been and the future we’re going to build.
So you are officially changing it to “Lets be faggots?” (bundles of sticks)
A country where the economy works for everyone, not just those at the top.
…and the millions they hire…and the goods they purchase…oh forget it..If you understood you wouldn’t be a democrat
Where you can get a good job and send your kids to a good school, no matter what zip code you live in.
You here that Maine…cough up the bucks for the Compton school district!!!
A country where all our children can dream, and those dreams are within reach.
Where families are strong… communities are safe…
Your policies have made it so my kids can’t walk to school….so I should believe you why?
And yes, love trumps hate.
Why do you love his hate so much…that’s weird
That’s the country we’re fighting for. That’s the future we’re working toward…
And so it is with humility. . . determination . . . and boundless confidence in America’s promise… that I accept your nomination for President of the United States!
Bernie…Bernie….whoops sorry
Now, sometimes the people at this podium are new to the national stage. As you know, I’m not one of those people.
I’ve been your First Lady.
Hilary care and Monica scare…yea…we remember
Served 8 years as a Senator from the great State of New York.
By way of Illinois, Arkansas, Massachusetts and DC…carpet bag much?
I ran for President and lost.
You know that was yours to lose… right?
Then I represented all of you as Secretary of State. But my job titles only tell you what I’ve done.
Or in the case of the last one…what you didn’t do
They don’t tell you why.
Cause if you knew…you might just have a lil accident…if you know what I mean.
The truth is, through all these years of public service, the “service” part has always come easier to me than the “public” part. I get it that some people just don’t know what to make of me.
So let me tell you.
Uh Oh
The family I’m from . . . well, no one had their name on big buildings.
You know…Trump does…like 30 of them….oh …sorry…continue
My family were builders of a different kind. Builders in the way most American families are.
They used whatever tools they had – whatever God gave them – and whatever life in America provided – and built better lives and better futures for their kids. My grandfather worked in the same Scranton lace mill for 50 years. Because he believed that if he gave everything he had, his children would have a better life than he did. And he was right. My dad, Hugh, made it to college. He played football at Penn State and enlisted in the Navy after Pearl Harbor. When the war was over he started his own small business, printing fabric for draperies. I remember watching him stand for hours over silk screens.
He wanted to give my brothers and me opportunities he never had. And he did. My mother, Dorothy, was abandoned by her parents as a young girl. She ended up on her own at 14, working as a house maid. She was saved by the kindness of others.
And you process that as we need more government?
Her first grade teacher saw she had nothing to eat at lunch, and brought extra food to share. The lesson she passed on to me years later stuck with me:
How the hell did this work ethic and steadfast understanding of the truth skip you?
No one gets through life alone.
And some are terminated before given the chance….MIC DROP
We have to look out for each other and lift each other up.
Or abort them on demand.
She made sure I learned the words of our Methodist faith:
“Do all the good you can, for all the people you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.”
Except for those pesky unwanted babies…and cigar aficionados…or those rape victims that deserved it.
I went to work for the Children’s Defense Fund, going door-to-door in New Bedford, Massachusetts on behalf of children with disabilities who were denied the chance to go to school. I remember meeting a young girl in a wheelchair on the small back porch of her house. She told me how badly she wanted to go to school – it just didn’t seem possible. And I couldn’t stop thinking of my mother and what she went through as a child.
It became clear to me that simply caring is not enough.
I need to take money at gunpoint to pay for these kids.
To drive real progress, you have to change both hearts and laws. You need both understanding and action.
So we gathered facts. We built a coalition.
Of those willing to take money without asking..
And our work helped convince Congress to ensure access to education for all students with disabilities. It’s a big idea, isn’t it? Every kid with a disability has the right to go to school.
So parents not in the picture …huh?…government to the rescue
But how do you make an idea like that real? You do it step-by-step, year-by-year… sometimes even door-by-door.
Selling chocolate bars I hope
And my heart just swelled when I saw Anastasia Somoza on this stage, representing millions of young people who – because of those changes to our laws – are able to get an education.
It’s true… I sweat the details of policy – whether we’re talking about the exact level of lead in the drinking water in Flint, Michigan, the number of mental health facilities in Iowa, or the cost of your prescription drugs.
I’m guessing you were in charge of those fiascos recently?
Because it’s not just a detail if it’s your kid – if it’s your family. It’s a big deal. And it should be a big deal to your president.
Federal: All Americans or one….no grouping please…that’s how we got in this 20 trillion dollar mess
Over the last three days, you’ve seen some of the people who’ve inspired me.
People who let me into their lives, and became a part of mine.
People like Ryan Moore and Lauren Manning.
They told their stories Tuesday night.I first met Ryan as a seven-year old.
He was wearing a full body brace that must have weighed forty pounds.
Children like Ryan kept me going when our plan for universal health care failed…and kept me working with leaders of both parties to help create the Children’s Health Insurance Program that covers 8 million kids every year. Lauren was gravely injured on 9/11. It was the thought of her, and Debbie St. John, and John Dolan and Joe Sweeney, and all the victims and survivors, that kept me working as hard as I could in the Senate on behalf of 9/11 families, and our first responders who got sick from their time at Ground Zero.
Pity your husband didn’t solve that issue before it happened (are there no real mean….ring a bell)….could have avoided that last 5 min of fluff
I was still thinking of Lauren, Debbie and all the others ten years later in the White House Situation Room when President Obama made the courageous decision that finally brought Osama bin Laden to justice.
Shooting in the head is Justice?…..alot of Justice going around these days.
In this campaign, I’ve met so many people who motivate me to keep fighting for change. And, with your help, I will carry all of your voices and stories with me to the White House.
I will be a President for Democrats, Republicans, and Independents. For the struggling, the striving and the successful. For those who vote for me and those who don’t. For all Americans.
Just like in the job description…you have a bad track record with those…why would you change?
Tonight, we’ve reached a milestone in our nation’s march toward a more perfect union: the first time that a major party has nominated a woman for President.
Maybe…seems the unbiased were a little too biased on your side
Standing here as my mother’s daughter, and my daughter’s mother, I’m so happy this day has come.
Happy for grandmothers and little girls and everyone in between.
Happy for boys and men, too
If we have the time, or there is anything left…
– because when any barrier falls in America, for anyone, it clears the way for everyone. When there are no ceilings, the sky’s the limit.
So let’s keep going, until every one of the 161 million women and girls across America has the opportunity she deserves.
Are you implying that none of those 161 million are getting what they deserve?
Because even more important than the history we make tonight, is the history we will write together in the years ahead.
Let’s begin with what we’re going to do to help working people in our country get ahead and stay ahead.
By raising the cost of everything and artificially raising wages…yea…that should work
Now, I don’t think President Obama and Vice President Biden get the credit they deserve for saving us from the worst economic crisis of our lifetimes.
Yep…they found a good procedure…don’t submit a budget.
Our economy is so much stronger than when they took office. Nearly 15 million new private-sector jobs. Twenty million more Americans with health insurance.
That’s because you made it a mandate….did you forget that.
And an auto industry that just had its best year ever. That’s real progress.
But none of us can be satisfied with the status quo. Not by a long shot.
Yep…we can do worse…show us the way…
We’re still facing deep-seated problems that developed long before the recession and have stayed with us through the
recovery. I’ve gone around our country talking to working families. And I’ve heard from so many of you who feel like the economy just isn’t working.
Some of you are frustrated – even furious. And you know what??? You’re right.
It’s not yet working the way it should. Americans are willing to work – and work hard.
If they was just someone who knew how to start and run a business? There are just no rich entrepreneurs to invest in them…hmmm…I wonder why?
But right now, an awful lot of people feel there is less and less respect for the work they do. And less respect for them, period.
To bad they can’t quit and get a better job
Democrats are the party of working people.
Maybe if you work with the owners instead of demand from them…you might get further.
But we haven’t done a good enough job showing that we get what you’re going through, and that we’re going to do something about it.
I hear there is always room at the TSA and the post office…you like to walk?
So I want to tell you tonight how we will empower Americans to live better lives.
Life, Liberty and pursuit of happiness….already covered.
My primary mission as President will be to create more opportunity and more good jobs with rising wages right here in the United States…From my first day in office to my last!
Wait…you going to cut regulations and lower corporate taxes?…I though not.
Especially in places that for too long have been left out and left behind.
From our inner cities to our small towns, from Indian Country to Coal Country.
Ummm..Coal country…need to check my democratic platform…continue
From communities ravaged by addiction to regions hollowed out by plant closures.
And here’s what I believe. I believe America thrives when the middle class thrives.
Ok…at the expense of the others? (Sorry poor people)
I believe that our economy isn’t working the way it should because our democracy isn’t working the way it should.
That because we are a republic…shouldn’t you know these things?
That’s why we need to appoint Supreme Court justices who will get money out of politics and expand voting rights,
By law only non-citizens and felons cannot vote….where exactly do you want to expand?….OOOOhhhhhh!….no
not restrict them. And we’ll pass a constitutional amendment to overturn Citizens United!
So only use the money you earn..got it…might wanna check your finances there chica
I believe American corporations that have gotten so much from our country should be just as patriotic in return.
And will do so at gunpoint
Many of them are. But too many aren’t.
Names!…I need names!…I got one…Clinton foundation!!
It’s wrong to take tax breaks with one hand and give out pink slips with the other.
Hmmm…you can’t fire anyone of you get government subsidies?….interesting…kinda sounds like the education department…or the DMV (they are awesome)
And I believe Wall Street can never, ever be allowed to wreck Main Street again.
You know the CRA act of 1977 sponsored by the democrats did that, right?
I believe in science. I believe that climate change is real and that we can save our planet while creating millions of good-paying clean energy jobs.
That you can’t be fired from apparently…isn’t that communism?
I believe that when we have millions of hardworking immigrants contributing to our economy, it would be self-defeating and inhumane to kick them out.
Illegal immigrants taking citizens jobs….you seem to gloss over that a lot?
Comprehensive immigration reform will grow our economy and keep families together – and it’s the right thing to do.
Except to the American citizens whos jobs are lost.
Whatever party you belong to, or if you belong to no party at all, if you share these beliefs, this is your campaign. If you believe that companies should share profits with their workers, not pad executive bonuses, join us.
Umm…so you want to regulate all businesses and investors bonuses?…ok Hugo…that’s never been tried…tisk
If you believe the minimum wage should be a living wage… and no one working full time should have to raise their children in poverty… join us.
So my big mac has to be 10 bucks because someone had kids they couldn’t afford?
If you believe that every man, woman, and child in America has the right to affordable health care…join us.
Not only did MY healthcare go up with this unsustainable law…I have to pay for theirs too…Sorry lady…this system sucks!!
If you believe that we should say “no” to unfair trade deals… that we should stand up to China… that we should support our steelworkers and autoworkers and homegrown manufacturers…join us.
Trump talking point…aren’t you supposed to be pulling people to your side? (from the family that brought you NAFTA)
If you believe we should expand Social Security and protect a woman’s right to make her own health care decisions… join us.
Wait….what?….expand SS..to what 80..you want us to work til 80?. …and on health care…you want more free choices?…clarify please.
And yes, if you believe that your working mother, wife, sister, or daughter deserves equal pay… join us…
You keep forgetting the word ‘earn’…I know why you do…but maybe your constitutes should know.
Let’s make sure this economy works for everyone, not just those at the top.
Who pay your salaries and invested the money
Now, you didn’t hear any of this from Donald Trump at his convention.
Go back up three lines…cause he did…(like you personally watched the speech…tisk)
He spoke for 70-odd minutes – and I do mean odd.
We would like to thank ellen in the third row for that joke…take a bow ellen
And he offered zero solutions. But we already know he doesn’t believe these things.
It’s not smart to lie in the same paragraph…at least put 100 or so words between
No wonder he doesn’t like talking about his plans.
You might have noticed, I love talking about mine.
Ewww
In my first 100 days, we will work with both parties to pass the biggest investment in new, good-paying jobs since World War II.
Umm…private sector does it better and faster (silicon valley anyone) why not let them do it?
Jobs in manufacturing, clean energy, technology and innovation, small business, and infrastructure.
You are only in charge of the last one (and technically the states are supposed to be)
If we invest in infrastructure now, we’ll not only create jobs today, but lay the foundation for the jobs of the future.
And we will transform the way we prepare our young people for those jobs.
Proper exercising so no carpal tunnel from flag waving?
Bernie Sanders and I will work together to make college tuition-free for the middle class and debt-free for all!
Free…the biggest lie in government. (Do they know that free mean worthless?)
We will also liberate millions of people who already have student debt.
Oh Shit….did 2007 teach it economic brain trusts nothing?
It’s just not right that Donald Trump can ignore his debts, but students and families can’t refinance theirs.
When students and families have outside investors to protect…then we can talk? Until then…personal responsibility rules that day
And here’s something we don’t say often enough: College is crucial, but a four-year degree should not be the only path to a good job.
Wait…so it’s not CRUCIAL? (is that another Clintonism? like what the definition of is “is”)
We’re going to help more people learn a skill or practice a trade and make a good living doing it.
Ok..do I pay for that too?
We’re going to give small businesses a boost. Make it easier to get credit. Way too many dreams die in the parking lots of banks.
Damn reality based actuary tables!!!
In America, if you can dream it, you should be able to build it.
Sorry..sooner or later you have to tell your kid he can’t be a dragon when he grows up
We’re going to help you balance family and work. And you know what, if fighting for affordable child care and paid family leave is playing the “woman card,” then Deal Me In!
Deal me out …than means an employee gets paid for not working an extra $20000 and that company has to pay another $20000 to get someone to do his job. Single eunuchs just moved to the front of the line….and get a $20000 dollar raise.
(Oh, you’ve heard that one?)
Yea…on a bench on Forrest Gump….Pandering bitch
Now, here’s the thing, we’re not only going to make all these investments, we’re going to pay for every single one of them.
And here’s how: Wall Street, corporations, and the super-rich are going to start paying their fair share of taxes.
Who decides fair share…the market?…The woman with no business sense?…the party that has the lowest growth every year they had the house majority since I was born?
Not because we resent success. Because when more than 90% of the gains have gone to the top 1%, that’s where the money is.
Those pesky check signers
And if companies take tax breaks and then ship jobs overseas, we’ll make them pay us back.
I’m sorry …did you pay them first?
And we’ll put that money to work where it belongs … creating jobs here at home!
Now I know some of you are sitting at home thinking, well that all sounds pretty good.
No…not really
But how are you going to get it done? How are you going to break through the gridlock in Washington?
Those pesky checks and balances.
Look at my record. I’ve worked across the aisle to pass laws and treaties and to launch new programs that help millions of people. And if you give me the chance, that’s what I’ll do as President.
Hillarycare…..you thought I forgot!
But Trump, he’s a businessman. He must know something about the economy.
Yep
Well, let’s take a closer look. In Atlantic City, 60 miles from here, you’ll find contractors and small businesses who lost everything because Donald Trump refused to pay his bills. People who did the work and needed the money, and didn’t get it – not because he couldn’t pay them, but because he wouldn’t pay them.
Said the woman who doesn’t understand real estate or business…or cattle futures
That sales pitch he’s making to be your president? Put your faith in him – and you’ll win big? That’s the same sales pitch he made to all those small businesses. Then Trump walked away, and left working people holding the bag.
But the people on the other 1345 deals did pretty good.
He also talks a big game about putting America First. Please explain to me what part of America First leads him to make Trump ties in China, not Colorado.
Current trade agreements…you know…the ones you signed
Trump suits in Mexico, not Michigan.
Bill Clintons NAFTA…perhaps you heard of it?
Trump furniture in Turkey, not Ohio.
Not enough Turkish artisans in Ohio….have you been to ohio?
Trump picture frames in India, not Wisconsin.
Okay…you can have that one.
Donald Trump says he wants to make America great again – well, he could start by actually making things in America again.
He will…with new trade deals that make America competitive against currency manipulators.
The choice we face is just as stark when it comes to our national security.
Anyone reading the news can see the threats and turbulence we face.
Or you caused?…but continue
From Baghdad and Kabul, to Nice and Paris and Brussels, to San Bernardino and Orlando, we’re dealing with determined enemies that must be defeated.
USA! USA! USA!…If only we would have had someone in the state department that could have stopped them and not been a partisan hack…if only They would say Radical Islamist Terrorism…so it doesn’t look like America is Mr. Magoo.
No wonder people are anxious and looking for reassurance. Looking for steady leadership.
Yep…Trump 2016…I know you saw the stickers.
You want a leader who understands we are stronger when we work with our allies around the world and care for our veterans here at home. Keeping our nation safe and honoring the people who do it will be my highest priority.
Trump talking point….2 point deduction
I’m proud that we put a lid on Iran’s nuclear program without firing a single shot – now we have to enforce it, and keep supporting Israel’s security.
Wow…you really didn’t see the error of giving them their 150 billion back …did you
I’m proud that we shaped a global climate agreement – now we have to hold every country accountable to their commitments, including ourselves.I’m proud to stand by our allies in NATO against any threat they face, including from Russia.
Crimea….Ukrane…yea!
I’ve laid out my strategy for defeating ISIS. We will strike their sanctuaries from the air, and support local forces taking them out on the ground.
Wait…your going to blow up the White House?
We will surge our intelligence so that we detect and prevent attacks before they happen.
Do you have some pre-cog’s there Mr Cruise?
We will disrupt their efforts online to reach and radicalize young people in our country.
Pokemon Go style
It won’t be easy or quick, but make no mistake – we will prevail.
Just 7 years of Mistakes….we are kind of tired now
Now Donald Trump says, and this is a quote, “I know more about ISIS than the generals do….”
No, Donald, you don’t.
Well….your Obama appointed Generals he was talking about. His Generals briefed him pretty good.
He thinks that he knows more than our military because he claimed our armed forces are “a disaster.”
A claim backed up with facts like the USN Harvey Milk and the USN Gabby Giffords ships…no really those exsist…and the veteran voices he hears every day when he is out shaking their hands.
Well, I’ve had the privilege to work closely with our troops and our veterans for many years, including as a Senator on the Armed Services Committee.
Oh Yea…you sure you want to claim that post?…the one that oversees the VA?
I know how wrong he is. Our military is a national treasure.
A lie…then a truth…interesting…did you blink?
We entrust our commander-in-chief to make the hardest decisions our nation faces. Decisions about war and peace. Life and death.
Reading the job description again…remember you are not good with those.
A president should respect the men and women who risk their lives to serve our country – including the sons of Tim Kaine and Mike Pence, both Marines.
Ask yourself: Does Donald Trump have the temperament to be Commander-in-Chief?
At this point…what difference does it make…..MIC DROP #2
Donald Trump can’t even handle the rough-and-tumble of a presidential campaign.
You mean the guy who was supposed to be the first one out…and is now ahead of you?…that guy?
He loses his cool at the slightest provocation.
Like you
When he’s gotten a tough question from a reporter.
When is the last press conference you had?…oh yea 200+ days
When he’s challenged in a debate.
You mean all the ones he won?
When he sees a protestor at a rally.
He is protecting the mic he paid for …you just give it up like a whipped puppy
Imagine him in the Oval Office facing a real crisis. A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons.
Don’t want none…wont be none
I can’t put it any better than Jackie Kennedy did after the Cuban Missile Crisis. She said that what worried President Kennedy during that very dangerous time was that a war might be started – not by big men with self-control and restraint, but by little men – the ones moved by fear and pride.
And X-men mutants
America’s strength doesn’t come from lashing out.
Ummm…Desert Storm…Korea…WW2….Revolutionary War….do I keep going?
Strength relies on smarts, judgment, cool resolve, and the precise and strategic application of power.
And making sure it just the JV team
That’s the kind of Commander-in-Chief I pledge to be.
And if we’re serious about keeping our country safe, we also can’t afford to have a President who’s in the pocket of the gun lobby.
That one that supports the 2nd Amendment against tyranny….that lobby?
I’m not here to repeal the 2nd Amendment. I’m not here to take away your guns.
Ummm…yes you are liar
I just don’t want you to be shot by someone who shouldn’t have a gun in the first place.
Interesting…you mean like Americans?
We should be working with responsible gun owners to pass common-sense reforms and keep guns out of the hands of criminals, terrorists and all others who would do us harm.
Whose common-sense again?….cause mine and the militarys is way different from yours and your party.
For decades, people have said this issue was too hard to solve and the politics were too hot to touch.
But I ask you: how can we just stand by and do nothing?
How about we let the guys with guns solve it
You heard, you saw, family members of people killed by gun violence.
Gun violence…mine is sitting on desk and hasn’t done shit…do you men the person pulling the trigger…why don’t we talk about them…(And a few of those family members deserved it)
You heard, you saw, family members of police officers killed in the line of duty because they were outgunned by criminals.
That you supported
I refuse to believe we can’t find common ground here.
No such thing…we have gone as far as we are willing to go…you cant have them…find another cause
We have to heal the divides in our country.
They stop dividing us into groups
Not just on guns. But on race. Immigration. And more.
See above
That starts with listening to each other. Hearing each other. Trying, as best we can, to walk in each other’s shoes.
They are all already covered by laws….lets try enforcing the will of the American citizens for a change.
So let’s put ourselves in the shoes of young black and Latino men and women who face the effects of systemic racism, and are made to feel like their lives are disposable.
But what about thugs and illegals…they are kind of disposable
Let’s put ourselves in the shoes of police officers, kissing their kids and spouses goodbye every day and heading off to do a dangerous and necessary job.
Maybe you should look into why thugs defy said police officers so much?…might be something there
We will reform our criminal justice system from end-to-end, and rebuild trust between law enforcement and the communities they serve.
Mine is fine….are you gonna make it so low IQ blacks can’t be charged with crimes…that might work in cutting crime
We will defend all our rights – civil rights, human rights and voting rights… women’s rights and workers’ rights… LGBT rights and the rights of people with disabilities!
And any more we can think of…cause you know “Human”…just doesn’t quite cover it.
And we will stand up against mean and divisive rhetoric wherever it comes from.
Oh…thought police…now we are talking…yall better stay in power…that pendulum swing will be a bitch
For the past year, many people made the mistake of laughing off Donald Trump’s comments – excusing him as an entertainer just putting on a show. They think he couldn’t possibly mean all the horrible things he says – like when he called women “pigs.”
Just Rosie O’Donnell…and more of factual observation.
Or said that an American judge couldn’t be fair because of his Mexican heritage.
Did you see his decisions over the years…they are pretty interesting on that reguard.
Or when he mocks and mimics a reporter with a disability.
That dude was dick…got him to shut up didn’t it?
Or insults prisoners of war like John McCain –a true hero and patriot who deserves our respect.
I like the ones like Chris Kyle that didn’t get caught too…guess I am a bad guy.
At first, I admit, I couldn’t believe he meant it either.
It was just too hard to fathom – that someone who wants to lead our nation could say those things. Could be like that.
But here’s the sad truth: There is no other Donald Trump…This is it.
Yep…all on the surface…not hidden from view in a basement
And in the end, it comes down to what Donald Trump doesn’t get: that America is great – because America is good.
Hmmmm…cool double meaning…Alexis de Tocqueville would be proud …I’m sure.
So enough with the bigotry and bombast. Donald Trump’s not offering real change.
Either are you….but he will be more fun to watch
He’s offering empty promises.
Says you….he has been in the public eye longer than you…he doesn’t have a lot of those ’empty promises’ in that time…your record looks like swiss cheese.
What are we offering? A bold agenda to improve the lives of people across our country – to keep you safe, to get you good jobs, and to give your kids the opportunities they deserve.
Wait…hasn’t Obama been doing that for 7 years?
The choice is clear.
Trump 2016
Every generation of Americans has come together to make our country freer, fairer, and stronger. None of us can do it alone.
So lets elect a committee instead of just you…ok?
I know that at a time when so much seems to be pulling us apart, it can be hard to imagine how we’ll ever pull together again.
Ones with the best ideas win…so…..not you
But I’m here to tell you tonight – progress is possible. I know because I’ve seen it in the lives of people across America who get knocked down and get right back up.
And I know it from my own life. More than a few times, I’ve had to pick myself up and get back in the game.
Just in time for another Bad decision
Like so much else, I got this from my mother. She never let me back down from any challenge. When I tried to hide from a neighborhood bully, she literally blocked the door. “Go back out there,” she said.
And she was right. You have to stand up to bullies.
Your going to stop the story there?…..You finally said something interesting….you just threatened to sue didn’t you?
You have to keep working to make things better, even when the odds are long and the opposition is fierce. We lost my mother a few years ago. I miss her every day. And I still hear her voice urging me to keep working, keep fighting for right, no matter what.
Good Advice….what did she say about breaking federal law?
That’s what we need to do together as a nation. Though “we may not live to see the glory,” as the song from the musical Hamilton goes, “let us gladly join the fight.”
And move to Puerto Rico
Let our legacy be about “planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.” That’s why we’re here…not just in this hall, but on this Earth. The Founders showed us that. And so have many others since.
They were drawn together by love of country, and the selfless passion to build something better for all who follow. That is the story of America. And we begin a new chapter tonight.
Hopefully without your family involved.
Yes, the world is watching what we do. Yes, America’s destiny is ours to choose. So let’s be stronger together. Looking to the future with courage and confidence. Building a better tomorrow for our beloved children and our beloved country. When we do, America will be greater than ever.
Thank you and may God bless the United States of America!
Trump 2016…couldn’t have said it better myself.

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