I’™m gonna tell you something
Just a few of you might know
I come from New York City

Though I’™m called Tarzana Joe
I learned to ride the subway
When a token cost a quarter

I love the smell of sidewalks
And the taste of Catskill water
I’™m friendly and outgoing
With a healthy fear of strangers

I like the Mets and Yankees
Giants, Jets and New York Rangers
I hoped I might revisit
Where I’™ve lived and loved before
But according to the governor
I ain’t welcome there no more

He’s forced me out of Flatbush
And he’s banned me from Bay Ridge
That’s assuming that Chris Christie
Even lets me cross the bridge

There’s no room for my business
And I can’t root for my team
‘˜Cause my views are non-conforming
And my ideas-too extreme

Though we both grew up as Catholics
I imagine and suppose he
Learned his catechism

From a teacher named Pelosi
Rare and safe and legal
That’s how they say it should be
And they think that they’™re successful 

When they failed two out of three
I’™d love a nice vacation
Central Park is worth a stroll
But all things being equal
I’™d prefer to keep my soul

Yes, I’™m sticking to my guns here
High water, friend, or hell come
And hope the Pearly Gates
Will be a place where I’™ll be welcome

-Tarzana Joe

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